I normally don't usually post articles like this, but I had a few views that I felt were important to be shared.
DISCLAIMER: You don't have to agree with me. This article is based off of my own opinions and life-experiences.
Occasionally, I'll see a "We're engaged!" post and I'll be kind of shocked because, not only do I know at least one-half of the couple, at least one-half of the couple is my age (give or take a few months to a year). However, I'm not shocked because I doubt their decision-making skills; I just could not see myself, at 21, ready to make that major commitment to another human being.
Yesterday, this article entitled "23 Things to Do Before Getting Engaged Before You're 23" from the blog Wander Onwards started going viral over my interwebs. In this article, the author, Vanessa, illustrates several key reasons why she is against the constant influx of engagements that seem to be occurring more frequently between college students and recent graduates. She cites "inexperience" as a major reason for the marriage surge and also says that many individuals are using a significant other as a "cop-out...an admission that the world is just too big and scary to deal with it on your own". She then advertises her alternative list of things to do to live it up before you tie the knot.
Naturally, tons of strong women (and some men too!) started sharing this article on Facebook as well as other forms of social media proclaiming their loud and proud agreement with Vanessa's thoughts and ideas. I was one of them. However, after mulling over her argument a little more, I realize I agree with parts of her argument, but not all. Looking at the comments for this article, I saw many upset posters, saying that her way of thinking was "judgemental" and "single-minded", citing their own life experiences to supplement their contrary arguments.
After a lot of thought, I realized that I can see both sides of this debate. I know so many happy couples who are my age and younger who have dreams and goals and a life to live, yet they still talk of possible engagements and future marriage; heck, I used to be one of them. I was really happy for the majority of my 3 and a half year relationship and a future together was always talked about. When we had those conversations though, it was never as a cop-out, a fear of being alone against the world; it was because we loved each other and each other's company and didn't want to be without it or each other. (Side note: part of why Vanessa's article was so controversial was because she mentioned that she had never had a serious boyfriend.) I will agree that inexperience did contribute to the demise of my relationship, but also, the realization that people grow and change and come into their own so much during their college years... sometimes, people just aren't as compatible as they used to be. But honestly? If I had gotten engaged this holiday season to my ex, it very well may have worked out and flourished. Who knows? Nobody can predict what may have been.
On the flip side, I totally agree with Vanessa's idea that we absolutely need to live it up during these years, the so-called "best years of our lives". I know that had I not gotten a chance to have my single college experience, there are so many opportunites and experiences that I would have missed out on that have proven integral to my growth and development as my own individual person, a chance for which I have been profoundly grateful. I have discovered just how big and exciting and beautiful this world is. I have definitely hit some of the things on her To-Do list over the past few months and I am so glad that I have. I have come to know myself infinitely more than I would have had I been in a relationship and to me, that is priceless. Personally, I think that self-knowledge and awareness is the best ammunition we have for taking on this world and fulfilling our dreams and goals, whatever they may be.
I also agree with the divorce statistics cited in the article. She points out that divorce rates for young couples are a full TWO TIMES the national average. Now, I know that all of these young couples won't get divorced, nor do I put too much stock in statistics like that since I believe that each and every situation is unique. However, I do know and have experienced the backlash of divorce from those who have married young--don't worry, my parents are happily married. But I have felt the aftershocks from many other separations and divorces, and I wouldn't wish even the secondary pain that is felt on anybody.
So what is my view on the issue? I think that being single and living and learning alone is amazing. I am having the time of my life flying solo. I also think that making a commitment to someone you love and care about and honestly want to spend the rest of your life with is beautiful, commendable, and amazingly brave. These are two completely different types of lifestyles and as always, to each his or her own. Every situation is unique to the individuals involved, and I think that as long as you're smart, ready, and fully committed with NO DOUBTS (or very few), get engaged! Get married! If you want to happily date without long-term commitment, do that! And if you want to be single until you're absolutely ready not to be? Do it. Want to be single forever? More power to you. There are so many ways of living life, just make sure that you live it up happily. :)
Love, Leaza
No comments:
Post a Comment